Echoing Silences

If I lose you, my love
I'm scared, not of
Years wasted
And neither shall I
Find myself unable to live without you

[I'll be strong and move on
And all that, you know!]

What does scare me, love
Is the thought of
My dreams, trashed -
Rendered pointless
Of pain excruciating,
But meaningless
Of a pain that will
Fade away with time -
Like a fading rag in the sun

There are things you're not supposed to
Talk objectively about
And I dread being talked of
Objectively - as your past
Like a long-forgotten taste of
Vanilla flavored coffee

And, sunshine, don't let my memory
Come as a lump of guilt
Or a pang of heartache
Or a moment of sundown
Let it play in the twitch of your smile

And promise me,
That a part of me will continue to live in you
And I swear, that
A part of you shall forever be in my soul.

Mostly Harmless

My creation! :p
Anyway, with working hours stretching infinitely, this is how I feel.
And 'Mostly Harmless' is the novel I'm reading - Fifth in the H2G2 trilogy. (yes, I've already read the other four! ^_^)

A Sleepy Hello!

From Pt. Jawaharlal Nehru's famous speech (Tryst with destiny) on Aug 15, 1947 -

"At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom. A moment comes, which comes but rarely in history, when we step out from the old to the new, when an age ends, and when the soul of a nation, long suppressed, finds utterance..... We end today a period of ill fortune, and India discovers herself again. [...] "

Well, actually, just wanted to write a blog and all that - after all this time. And since some unforeseen event see me sitting at my desk at this ungodly hour (it Aug 14, 11:58 hrs), and fortunately I came across this speech, I don't really have to write something on my own!

So, a sleepy hello to all of you, and to the nation! I wonder if it's awake after all these years.

As for me, I'm very much alive, though very very much sleepy and tired and what-not. If time permits it, you'll see frequent posts on the blog in a few days :)

Intehaa

Raat gaye chaand, chup-chaap
Doodhiya syaahi faila jaata hai.

Lamhon ki ibaarat
Dhundhli ho chali hai ab
Yaadon ke zard pannon par

Reality Check

"Ek hi khwaab kai baar dekha hai maine"

Wrote Gulzar once, and quite a number of couth Indian men went "Aah, wouldn't I love a life/wife like her!". Things, ofcourse, are not always as good as they seem. And neither was Gulzar's dream. Sigh!

"Gungunaati hui nikli hai naha kar jab bhi
Apne bheege hue baalon se tapakta paani
Mere chehre pe chhidak deti hai, tu Tikku ki bachchi!"

Sounds romantic, doesn't it? Well sure it does (sound romantic), but that's about it. Welcome to reality, Tikku! Chances are, Patidev loves his slumber more than you, and the scene would be - Patidev's in the bed, trying hard not to get woken up by your crooning, and if so much as the tiniest droplet of water from your hair reaches his face, all hell breaks loose! "Tikku, shut up with that stupid song and lemme sleep! I had been in the office the night before till eleven!! And it's just 9 in the morning for God's sake!!! *&%$#" ... And you wish you still stayed with your female flatmates (who'd break into an antakshari on the hint of a song!)

"Taash ke patton pe laDti hai kabhie kabhie khel mein mujhse
Aur kabhie laDti bhi aise ki bas khel rahi ho mujhse"

Very well written. But, ahem, reality check - The moment you start "laDna" (however playfully, however outta love), Patidev goes on the defensive "Can't you talk to me even for a moment without cribbing, complaining or sulking? I can't recall when it was last that we talked for an hour without arguing!! Blah Blah Blah?!!! Blah Blah Blah???" Oops!

So, wake up, women! Charm, courtesy and chivalry are not necessarily your guy's everyday adornments. Neither is romance. And wake up, men! Wake up before your girl runs away screaming.

Life's not a dream written by Gulzar, after all.

iGoogle

What does your Google home page look like?

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सतपुडा

Well, ever since I posted the poem "Satpura Ke Ghane Jangal" in my other blog, I've been asked a few times for the full poem. And since I got it some days back, I'm posting the same here

सत्पुडा के घने जंगल

सतपुडा के घने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

झाड़ ऊंचे और नीचे
चुप खडे हैं आंख मीचे
घास चुप है, काश चुप है
मूक शाल-पलाश चुप है

बन सके तो धंसो इनमें
धंस ना पाती हवा jinmein
सत्पुरा के घने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

सडे पत्ते, गले पत्ते
हरे पत्ते, जले पत्ते
वन्य का पथ ढँक रहे से
पंक दल में पले पत्ते

चलो इन पर चल सको तो
दलो इनको दल सको तो
यह ghinaune-घने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

अटपटी उलझी लताएं
Daaliyon को खींच खायें
पैर को पकडें अचानक
प्रान को कस लें, कपायें

सांप सी काली लताएं
बला कीपाली लताएं
लताओं के बने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

MakDiyon के जाल मुह पर,
और sir के बाल मुह पर
मच्छरों के दंश वाले
दाग काले-लाल मुह पर

वात-झंझा वहन करते
चलो इतना सहन करते
कष्ट से ये सने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

अजगरों से भरे जंगल
अगम, gati से परे जंगल
सात-सात पहाड़ वाले
बडे, छोटे बाघ वाले
गरज और दहाड़ वाले
कंप से कनकने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

इन वनों के ख़ूब भीतर
चार मुर्गे, चार तीतर
पाल के nishchint बैठे
Vijan वन के बीच बैठे
झोपड़ी पर फूस डाले
गोंड तगडे और काले

जब ki होली पास आती
सरसराती घास गाती
और महुए से लपकती
मत्त करती बास आती
गूँज उठते बोल इनके
गीत इनके, ढोल इनके

सत्पुरा के घने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

जागते अँगङाइयों में
खोह, खड्डे, खाइयों में
घास पागल, काश पागल,
शाल और पलाश पागल,
लता पागल, वात पागल,
डाल पागल, पात पागल,
मत्त मुर्गे और तीतर
इन वनों के ख़ूब भीतर!

Kshitij तक फैला हुआ सा
मृत्यु तक मैला हुआ सा
Kshubdh काली लहर वाला
Mathit, utthit ज़हर वाला
मेरु वाला, शेष वाला,
शंभु और सुरेश वाला

एक सागर जानते हो,
उसे कैसे मानते हो?
ठीक वैसे घने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

धंसो इनमें डर नहीं है,
मौत का ये घर नहीं है,
उतरकर बहते अनेकों,
कल-कथा कहते अनेकों,
नदी nirjhar और नाले,
इन वनों ने गोद पाले,
लाख पंछी सौ hiran दल
चांद के kitne kiran दल
झूमते बन-फूल, फलीयां
खिल रही agyaat kaliyaan
हिरत दूर्वा, रक्त kislay,
पूत, पावन, पूर्ण रसमय,
सत्पुरा के घने जंगल
लताओं के बने जंगल!

(by Bhawani Prasad Mishra)

Huff! Now I know how Shankar Mahadevan must have felt after singing "Breathless" :p
But, nevertheless, it's a beautiful poem. If only someone could muster up the courage and patience required to finish it!

For you all, in Hindi! :) (Thanks, Ritz)

Wow! यह तो कमाल है! ;)

[Well, I found typing words like 'kiran', 'kitne' (basically anything with a chhoTee i ki maatra impossible! So, if anyone knows who to type them, please help me out :)]

Maha Random-Rants

[Warning: Beware of Boasts]

Well, lemme introduce you to the brand new Sun Certified Java Programmer Kanupriya B-). Yes, I cleared SCJP today, with a score of nothing less than a boast-able 96%.

And for all the SCJP aspirants, here's a list of handy tips -

• Beware of compiler errors! The most innocent looking code is just as evil (or eviler) than any other POC (piece of code - technical term). There were at least 7-8 questions in the exam which resulted in a compiler error.
• Qestions on threads are devilish. I'm sure the person(s) who came up with them have a sadistic streak in them. Prepare well for threads, synchronization and the works.
• Inheritance/Overriding/Overloading - people tend to take these too lightly. Don't!
• Exceptions are not quite as bad as you think they are. Understanding just the basic concepts and exception hierarchy will take you a long way in exception handling.

Umm, I guess it doesn't make a lot of sense to post all this here, but whatever, I'm a proud Sun Certified Java Programmer, and I have every right to brag, for a day at least :p My PM was so happy with the result, he got a cake for the SCJPs of his project. So, that's a plus for me (especially just before the appraisal).

That reminds me, I hope I get a respectable increment in this appraisal. (My mom was not really happy about the fact that I haven't saved a penny in the 1 yr (almost - I complete one year in HCL tomorrow)). Again, that reminds me - a few days back I got a mail from my friend (who works in the same office as me), asking me for 500 bugs, urgently. Now, everyone needs a few bugs in the code (rozi-roti ka sawaal, you know!). But FIVE HUNDRED bugs! That crosses the imagination of even the most optimistic tester!

Anyway, she soon realised her mistake (on it being made into PJ, of course) and said she'd be rather happy if I could just lend her 500 bucks, which, for her dismay (this sure is an understatement), I didn't have.

And, last but not the least, I got a pedicure (for the first time) this weekend. :p And, I must admit, it was rather good. Though when I got to know what the 'good-ness' costs, umm, I was not very happy :p

So that kinda sums up this weekends events. Add to it a hurried (and fruitless) drive to Escorts and back; and lots of good food (luckily for me, my roomie's a good cook and fond of cooking too).

Signing off for now, I am, the 'Sun Certified Java Programmer',
Kanu :p

Satyameva Jayate

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'Truth Alone Triumphs'

[or, does it?]
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Baarish

Aaj ki baarish mein, dekho kaise!
Yaadon par chaDhi gard utar gayi hai
Barson door rakha ek lamha, saaf nazar aata hai.

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[Photo courtesy: http://criss.site.voila.fr/]

I walk

I walk, to a place called
Nowhere
Dusk in my hands
Red as blood, my own!
An odd melancholy in the air
Joking with the wind
I walk
To nowhere in particular!

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Games You Play

Dear Lord,
I don't like being yet another insignificant one in your world of crores. My dreams are tired, and I don't have an answer when they look at me, hurt.
It's easy for you, isn't it, making and breaking dreams, hopes, empires, hearts...? Does it matter to you if someone gets killed on his way to ur temple? Do you like it when in turn his relatives call upon you to render him peace in heaven? Isn't that sadistic?
Do you and your mates up there laugh at us, when you see how we're trying to be in control, while you have the remote-control to our destinies? Do you feel gratified when someone seeks your blessings? Do you grant wishes only when we beg for them?
Do you have an algorithm for time-slicing your resources, like an OS? Is everything random? Or is everything predestined?
Are you up there, smiling? Do you die? Are you ever going to grow up, and stop playing games?!

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My Celebrity Look-alikes ;)

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(Feel-good post ;) )

Life

On the downside,

• It's awfully hot here in Dilli. (well, in Noida, too). And going by the weather forecast, things don't look really bright (they're too bright actually, and hot - with everyone for once looking for the dark cloud and not the silver lining therein). Anyway, I hope none of us are harboring any misconceptions on how reliable the weather forecasts are. (So, there's still some hope left :D)
• I caught fever (or fever caught me, rather) - and I realised it's pretty boring (more boring than office). So much so that I was looking forward to (OK, not really) coming to office. And though I finished The English Patient (readable for the way its narrated) and started reading Path Ke Davedaar, it's not what my goal was ("Goal"!! Now that's talking like a true blue s/w engr - and how I hate it!). Anyway, the goal was to finish the Java certification book by Kathy Sierra. (By the way, surprisingly Google and Wiki don't have any useful information available on Path Ke Davedaar! (for the lesser mortals, it's a famous novel by Sharatchandra :-p))
• And as if that was not enough, I caught a kind of eye flu (or some infection). And my left eye is all swollen up. People say I look like a pirate (aargh). Anyway, not that I can help it much. :(

And on the upside (or whatever that's called) -

• I got a three and a half day break from office. Quite an unexpected one, I must confess - but then, it was not much fun - so not much of a confession anyway :p
• Since I created quite a scene out of my fever, life's sort of cool (for the time being, at least).

Umm... so that kinda sums up this random post. I wish the temperature comes down a bit. And I also wish the eye flu goes away before my bday (hehe, yeah, it's my bday on June 16. Yay!)

Oops!

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Orkut's down for maintainance!

(... and back now) ;)

An Indian counterpart of Orkut - http://sirfdosti.com/ :p

Berozgaari

Sulga li hai ek aur cigarette
Doobte sooraj se ghabra ke
Kuchh oob* aur umas* bhulaane ke liye bhi

Saath hi dekhta hoon -
Sulagta, dam toDta ek aur din
Lamha-lamha raakh hota waqt
Dhuaan hote kuchh sapne

Zehan* mein fizool se khyaal -
(Bhala ho municipality ka, jo yahan bench lagwa di
Khuda ka but* patthar ka ho, to dil mom* ka kaise hoga
Ghar par maa diya jala chuki hogi tulsi mein
Wagairah - wagairah)

Nakaamyaabi din bhar saaye ki tarah saath hoti hai
Raat ke andheron mein woh bhi nahin!
(Yun kahne ko hum chaar rahte hain ek kamre mein)

Lagta hai saalon guzar gaye
Par khatm nahin hoti berozgaar zindagi

Jalne ki ho chali hai, talabgaar* zindagi!

[Oob = Boredom; Umas = Humidity; Zehan = mind/dimaag; but = idol/moorti; mom = wax; talabgaar = addicted/wanting]

Music: Shaayraana si hai (Phir Teri Kahaani Yaad Aayi)
Mood: Blank.

The Story of the Desert

"Let's play a game!", he said. "Let's pretend you're the princess of desert and I'm the knight from across the seas."

So that's what she became, the princess of desert. Surprisingly, the otherwise unyielding desert agreed to play along. Together, the desert and the princess waited for the knight.


Very early every morning, they dressed up in molten gold and pretended to be angry half the time, remorseful the other half. Bored in a few hours, the sleepy desert half-opened its sand-dune eyes, and went back to its afternoon nap.

"Winds from across the seas will bring my news", he had said. And she thought she could hear waves crashing against the shore. But the winds never brought any news. (Though sand in her eyes hurt like held-back tears, and it had a curious pungent taste, too.)


So they waited till sundown, and the desert draped her in a dusky red velvet. "Even stars will celebrate the day we reunite". (This was her best dress, and red was his favorite!) Every night, stars gathered for the celebration and sighed in silent mourning as another night slipped by. The chill in night-air was unmistakeable.


Moonlight in her dreams always made the desert look like a giant crumpled bedsheet. She felt herself decaying into the sand-sheet with time. Perhaps it was just in her dreams, funny as they are, that it became increasingly difficult to identify herself from the desert. "Come on, you're the princess around here!", she shouted at the top of her voice. But the stars looked on in amazement, as they thought they saw a sudden whiff rise and die away, from a single sand-dune.
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Vulnerable

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Did a bit of sketching after a long interval, and finished this one quite quickly (around 20 minutes). Since it didn't turn out to be that bad, my braggart self decided to post it ;)

Mood: Happy :)
Music: Piyu bole (Parineeta)

Demons

Some unanswered questions - unanswered, and uncomfortable - chasing you round the clock, staring at you silently (pretending to be dead, yet very much alive) - demanding their answers.

And answer you must. You don't want dead questions following you like dogs, do you? You don't want to relive their death, do you?

And yet answer you can't, because they expect words. A teary-eyed you - devoid of words, with a lump in your throat and sleepless nights by your side - can do nothing but annoy the Gods all the more. Devotees are most welcome, so long as they're not emotional fools.

Your existence is questioned, and that you're alive is no proof. Someone who's been suicidal for years can't possibly be alive, they say.

The walls of hope give way, and your own questions seep through. Assuring you of a death no worse than you deserve. A death of drowing in the waters of suspicion. Of doubts that others invented, and you lived with. (And will die with)



Mood: Indignant/Confused/And now tired
Music: Ek khyaal ke bagal mein kaise saari zindagi guzaar dein?

Ummeed

Chalte rahe hum roshni ka thaam ke dhaaga
Chaadar andhera har taraf bunta chala gaya

(It needs to be completed, but that'll need some time. Till then, I thought, why not let others add some lines to it?)

Waah, Gulzar!

Yes, I know there've been enough posts about Gulzar and ARR in my blog already. But then, you can't expect much else from a diehard Gulzar fan, and more so one who has developed a newfound interest in writing herself.

Frankly, I don't think I'm the stuff poets are made of. I know that of late I've just been posting my so-called poems, but they're not spontaenous. They usually come up after a lot of fiddling with words and playing with thoughts and ideas. I don't know if everyone writes like that, but I do.

And so, it surprises me how someone can write as simply, yet as beautifully as Gulzar does. There's no trace of slogging with words and ideas. The words seem to flow, to slide on a ground frictionless, to just have occured in someone's heart and moulded themselves into poetry. Nothing seems deliberate!

'Jab bhi thaama hai tera haath to dekha hai
Log kahte hain ki bas haath ki rekha hai
Humne dekha hai do taqdeeron ko juDte hue'

No big words, nothing unusual, yet such an extraordinary piece. And then,

'Parashtish ki yaa tak ki ey but tujhe
Nazar mein sabon ki khuda kar chale'

Or a superhit dance number, which has some meaning too -

'Woh yaar hai jo khushbu ki tarah
Jiski zubaan urdu ki tarah
Meri shaam-raat, meri qaaynaat
Woh yaar mera saiyaan saiyaan'

Even an item number gets a distinct Gulzar touch, and becomes Kajra Re (or 'Bidi Jalai Le')-

'Aankhein bhi kamaal karti hain
Personal se sawaal karti hain'

Never mind using other poets works (of course, with due credits given), they're all enriched, reinforced and given a new meaning (and popularity) altogether -

'Dil DhoonDhta hai phir wohi, fursat ke raat-din
baithe rahein tasavvur-e-jaana kiye hue'
(by Ghalib)

I can go on and on, but I realize that others do not necessarily share my enthusiasm on the subject. Moreover, this can probably go on forever (I haven't even mentioned his non-filmi compositions). So, here's to the wonderful lyricist, poet, scriptwriter and director.

We salute you!

Ideas, and the lack of them

Sometimes it so happens that I've had some idea for a blog for a long-long time, just the idea, somwhere in the back of my mind, that I mean to write about, and then when I have the time, it seems as if words always ditch me. (I guess writing such long sentences, with commas seperating them, is a bad idea - but then, I didn't want to go through it again, trying to correct it! I've never been in the habit of revising things, not even my exam papers.)

Anyway, coming to back to the point, it so happens that you never find the words you're looking for when trying to write something. And then the idea slowly turns itself into something much more severe, demanding all of your time and attention. And then you really wish the thing had never occurred to you in the first place! Gulzar has a wonderful poem about the situation, but I don't quite remember it as of now. I'll post it if I happen to find it.

So an Idea happened to me. And having heard somewhere 'An Idea can change your life', I sat down with the idea, trying to change mine. Well, my life didn't really change, but the idea did ;) and what I wrote was something quite different from what I intended to.
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Raat Ki Syaahi

Tumhari aankhein dekh ke, jaante ho, kya sochti hoon?
Ab tak aur na jaane kitni raatein qaid ho chuki hongi unmein!

Gusse mein toofaan waali ek barsaat ki raat,
Aur ek, jismein sharaarat ka ek sitaara chamka hoga
Murjhaaye patton waali ek patjhaD ki bhii!

Vaisi hi ek raat ki syaahi se jo misre likhe
Sapne kuchh berang se ubhar aaye

Abki baar jo aana, do mutthi waqt saath laana
Sapno mein rang bharna aasaan nahin!
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So, that's that. And as I said, it's not what I wanted to write, but since it's about eyes (they always fascinate me), I thought I could post this just as well. And now, over to you.

=))

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Chhoti-Chhoti Baatein

(Nanda Devi - Taken by RajaG)

I find it strange how, at times, something as simple as a photograph can make you feel. Well, in this case, this particular photo of Nanda Devi - other than making me want to go there - made me imagine (and think about) a whole lot of things (mind you, it's not a small achivement, given that of late nothing - no novel, no poetry, not a big amount of coding, no trees, flowers or smell - has made me think so much, and for so long. And I say 'so long' 'coz when you're all tired and exhausted, to lie in your bed thinking about a pic (and the place the pic was taken at) till 3 am in the morning, when you supposedly have a short attention span - it is.)

Anyway, to cut the long story short, it made me think of how the nights at Nanda Devi will be, how the moon will look - something on these lines. And I wrote a small poem about moon at Nanda Devi -

Chaand
Sanjeeda* pahaaDi ka
NaTkhaT sa beTa chaand
Barfeeli vaadiyon mein
ThiThura* sa gol chaand
Phir garm baadalon ke
Kambal mein dubka chaand
Baatein tumhari-meri
Sunta shareer* chaand
[Sanjeeda = grim; ThiThura = cold/shivering; Shareer = mischevous]
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And that, in turn made me want to write something about the mornings/afternoons as well. I wanted to write about sunlight in mountains, but it turned out to be something about sunlight in general-

Dhoop
Sooraj ka haath thaame
Bholi si beTi dhoop.
KhiDki ke chaukhaTe* se
Chupke se jhaanke dhoop.
JhrumuT* mein khel khele
Chhaaya ke sang dhoop.
Har saanjh hai jalaati
Chanda ka diya dhoop
Taaron ke chheenT* waali
Raat oDh soti dhoop
[KhiDki ka chaukhTa = squares of the window; JhurmuT = grove; chheenT = print]
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Well, there were poems in my mind about 'Nadiya' and 'MiTTi' too, but my thoughts were interrupted by a song on FM, a line of which said something about a guy standing on the kagaar (edge); and I, in turn, imagined myself standing on the edge of some high mountain, looking in the depths of the infinite valleys below. And here're the lines that came to my mind -

Gahraayi
Gahraayi ki kami hai mujhmein - yahi kaha tha na tumne?
Dekho, ab gahraaiyaan khud mujhe aawaaz de rahi hain!
Apna rahi hoon inhe, ab aur gile* mat karna.
[Gile karna = to complain]
.

And that, when I'm faaar removed from any suicidal tendencies of any sort! :-p
Anyway, that was the end of it - of my thought-train, i.e. And the result for you all is, a rather long post by me at last! :-)

Contempt

*
Waah! Vaaqaye ko fasaana banaane chali
Rasm-e-deewanagi,
Ek shakhs ko zamaana banaane chali

*

[Vaaqaya - Incident]

Sapna

Ajeeb sapna tha!

Tum saath the mere
Chup si baarish;
Maano khaamoshi ko todna gunaah ho!

Kashish, qurbat, chubhan, raahat
Khaamoshi ki sharaarat ko
Jyon ishq ki bhi panaah ho!

Gum se lamhon se bani shaam
Chup se khwaabon se saji shaam
Woh shaam hazaaron boondo ki

Ajeeb sapna tha!

Agli subah dekha - na jaane kaise
Baarish ki boondein takiye par thiin
Aankhon se chhalak gayin hon jaise

Bheega, nanha woh sapna -
Uneendi palkon se roka nahin gaya

(Kashish: Attraction; Qurbat: Closeness; Jyon: as if; Uneendi: Sleepy)

Khamoshi

Lafz kuchh fizool, kuchh na-paak se lagte hain
Ek shakhs se khaamoshi baanti thi maine

*

Zindagi

*

Guzara din ka kaarvaan bemaani sa
Phir anjaan shahar mein raat ka paDaav

Jhulasti dupehari mein waqt oonghta sa
Siharti chaandni ka bujhta sa alaav

Aakhiri mukaam ko dhoondhne nikla
Zindagi ki nadii ka maddham bahaav

*

Andhera

Zindagi ke peele panne
Aur diya tere naam ka
Kuchh sawaal parchhaiyon ke
Yeh imtehaan tanhaaiyon ke!

Tanha sa peela chaand bhi
Khoya hai kaale bhanvron mein
Teri aankhon ki gehraaiyon ke
Yeh imtehaan tanhaaiyon ke!

_______

Kal Raat

Ek dhaaga aur liya teri yaad ka
Ek sapna aur buna kal raat humne

Tanhaayi, khaamoshi ke kisse ka
Ek lamha aur suna kal raat humne

:)

Happy Holi!

:)

Kabhie

kisi shab chaand baatein kare
kabhie tum ek sher kaho
kabhie hum shaam dekha karein
kabhie tum dhoop-chhanv hanso

ki phir pedon se panchhi ude
kabhie saanson mei aanch chale
kabhie saawan ki barsi ghata
kahin baahon ke jhoole pade

kisi ke sard aangan mein
andheri raat taare jalein
dilon ki mehfilon mein daur
tere naam ka chale

Girl-talk ;)

So, you've been this super-girlfriend who's ready to do anything for The-One-for-Her? A girl proud, a girl happy, a girl-who-thinks-she's-lucky to have found the right One? You think you're cool 'coz you've turned from the girl that you were to his girl?

Well, how about you go get some life? How about being loved for what you are? How about being trusted, respected, cared for and not being governed? How about not being sorry about what you've said, done or been? Just once in a while, how about it?

When was it last that you were right in an argument? When was it that there was no argument? When was it that you had others to argue with?

And no, you're not being adviced to break-up/get divorced or something. But give yourself a break, girl! What's the hurry? You have the entire life to forget the way you wanted to live your life. But while you still can, why not remember that you can eat like pigs, dance like crazies and live like tribes? If that's your idea of fun, go do that!

Men and women are as different as they could be. Chalk & cheese, oil & water or maybe heart & mind. That they still have to live together is a blunder iGod made, and we put up with. If man can come up with an instrument that would help men understand women and vice-versa, that'd be the greatest discovery of our time. Till then, may there be peace.

And girls, "Live. Your time starts now."

______________________

PS: This post was mostly written out of frustration (so most of it is not how I feel all the time), but I'd still like to remember how I felt at that certain moment. Hence this blog, w/o any changes. :-)

Nothing to do

Well, the server crashed!

____________________

Mood: Not really happy
Music: None

Izhaar-e-ishq

Likhe the aasmaani kaagaz pe
Baadalon ki syaahi se, bikhre hue kuchh harfe
Chaand ka ek phool bheja tha
Subah tak woh bhi murjha ke gir gaya
...
Izhaar-e-ishq humein karna nahin aaya!

Tehreer (Writing)

Duniya ke saare shahron ka culture yaksaan
Aabaadi, tanhaayi banti jaati hai.
(All the cities in the world have the same story to tell -
The more crowded it is, the lonelier people become)

~ Bashir Badr

(A poor attempt at translating the sher (meaning couplet, plural ashaar (pronounced ash-aar)), but I hope it conveys the basic idea.)
____________________

By the way, I like the word 'Tehreer', which means writing. I also like the phrase 'Ret pe Tehreer', meaning 'Writing on the Sand'. :-)

I wish

I wish I were more at ease with myself, more in control of things. Why's it that words/thoughts desert me when/where they matter the most? It feels so dumb!

...I wish I were smarter 8-|

.

Live. Your time starts now.

DoorDarshan

Today, while sitting in the office, I found myself humming

"Ek kahaani kahte-kahte ek kahaani aur mili
Dil ki Dagar pe chalte-chalte, ek nishaani aur mili"

and suddenly the memories of good ol' DoorDarshan days came rushing back to me.

Some of you may still remember, it was the title track of a serial based on Gulzar's short stories, "Ek Kahaani". Such a bunch of heart-warming little stories they were! Then there were serials based on short-stories/novels by Chekhov, Maupassant, Tagore, Sharatchandra, Premchandra, Satyajit Ray, RK Narayanan, Ruskin Bond, Rahi Masoom Raza and names I might have forgotten.

"Chekhov Ki Kahaaniyaan" used to be one of my favorite serials. The stories were so touching, and had this quality of making your heart go out to the characters. No other serials have been able to capture childhood fantasies and present them in the manner RK Narayan's "Malgudi Days" and Ruskin Bond's "Ek Tha Rusty" did.

Or even the serials based on old indian stories like Vikram-Betaal or Sinhaasan Battisi - they were too dramatic at times, but made their point nevertheless. And then, there was this series for kids, "Kahaaniyon ka Guchchha" - its title track makes all the more sense now -

"Khatti ho to namak lagaake
Gale mein aTke paani le lo
Guchchha hai bhai guchchha hai
Kahaaniyon ka guchchha hai
Kahaani le lo"

:) Isn't that so very true about life as well?

I was not old enough at the time of Hum Log or Nukkad. But the other serials I remember watching and loving are Farmaan, Circus, Dekh Bhai Dekh, Vyomkesh Bakshi and Aarohan. Even Shekhar Suman's Reporter was something I remember our family waiting eagerly for, every monday at 9 pm, if I remember it right.

Not only the stories, even the actors and the characters they've played have became immortal in the history of indian television. Be it Pankaj Kapoor as KaramChand or Vijay Anand as Sam D'silva in Tehkikaat, it's hard to imagine someone else playing the characters.

Despite a hundred music channels, no programme has equalled the popularity of Chitrahaar, which made people forget all their assignments and sit glued to the TV at 7:30, every Wednesday and Friday. Or even Rangoli, which made us get up at 7, even on Sundays.

*sigh* I can go on and on writing about these serials, and how they always managed to bring the whole family together for lunch or dinner. I do miss the golden DoorDarshan days!

"Sadiyon sadiyon wahi tamaasha
Rasta-rasta lambi khoj
Lekin jab woh mil jaata hai
Kho jaata hai jaane Kaun"

:)

.

.

Beautilful, isn't it?

Khalish

.
Khanjar se haathon pe lakeerein
Koi bhala kya likh paaya
Humne magar is paagalpan mein
Khud ko chhala hai seene mein
.

Rishte

________________________

Rishte - I

Bheegi ret mein seepii chunte, chaand mein chehre dhoondhte
Khud mein hi hanste-muskaate, paagal se yeh rishte hain

Teri hansi ki dhoop ke jaise, narm meherbaan roshan yeh
Sarson ke peele kheton se, lahke se yeh rishte hain

Har dhadkan mein saanse lete, har halchal mein mil jaate
Aahon mein bante-bujhte se, pighle se yeh rishte hain

__________________________

Rishte - II

Kheench ke suljhaana chaaha tha, kuchh gaanThein hi haath lagi
Resham ki naazuk doron se, uljhe se yeh rishte hain

Maine jab bhi rokna chaaha, haath chhuDa ke bhaag gaye
Anjaane logon mein bachchon se sahme yeh rishte hain

Sambhal ke rakhna paaon zameen pe, sannate na chubh jaayein
Is ghar ke zarre-zarre mein, bikhre se yeh rishte hain

_____________________________________

Pal

..
Kabhie zindagi ki daud mein
Tezi se bhaagta hua
Phir teri hansti aankhon mein
Wohi pal mila hai ruka hua

Dekho zara is waqt ka
Bhi bachpana hai gaya nahin
Sab dhoondhte hain yahan-wahan
Hansta kahin, yeh chhupa hua

Tumse bataao kisliye
Yeh dushmani hai waqt ki
Tum aaye, aur woh chal diya
Jo tha lamha kab se thama hua

Pichhli mulaqaat mein
Kuchh pal tum bhool aaye the
Chaukhat ke shayad paas hai
Ek pal abhi bhi pada hua

Alsaaya sust ek pal
Aangan mein dhoop senkta
Ik bhoola-bisra lamha hai
Choolhe pe sulagta hua

Satrangi shaam bhi to yeh
Guncha hai rangeen phoolon ka
Yeh lamha tere naam ka
Hai indradhanush mein bandha hua

Tu hansta hai to saath mein
Yeh bhi to khilkhilaata hai
Gusse mein teri baaton se
Phir dil ko cheerta hua

Humne to intezaar mein
Dariya yeh baandh rakha tha
Tumhe yaad karte hi bah chala
Jo yuun hua, to kya hua

Aa jaao ki din thak gaya
Sooraj ne aankhein moond lii
Dekho diya hai bujh raha
Pal uD rahe hain dhuaan-dhuaan
.

Baadalon Mein Sona

Baadalon mein sona, kaisa lagta hoga?

Kya taare kuchh paas nazar aayenge?
Kya chaandani kuchh zyada thandi hogi?
Jheeni chaadar ka kona, kaisa lagta hoga?

Baadalon mein bhi,
Ret-se ghar bante-bigadte hain
Aur sooraj ka khilauna, kaisa lagta hoga?

Tanha se kuchh sur, gar mann udaas karte hon
Paani se bane narm takiyon mein
Muh chhupa ke rona, kaisa lagta hoga?

.
.

Rainbow

Who stole the colors? Where’re the violets, indigos and blues? Why didn’t I notice the green fading away? Lost my yellow, orange and red somewhere along the way.

I see the world in a kaleidoscope of grey. The kid’s soft pink cheeks are now white. The pretty librarian doesn’t smile with her shining sea-green eyes anymore.

People don’t turn green with envy and purple with rage. Blushing red and gloomy blues are long forgotten.

I still see a silvery desert on a black moonless night, the golden sky above an ashen grey sea, and sparkling diamonds on pale, bleached faces – but, oh, where’re the colors?

.

.

Work!

As soon as I wrote the word ("work", silly!), I knew I'm not the best person to write a blog about it; simply because I'm just as lazy as a gemini could be. And my being in office on saturdays and sundays does nothing to contradict the fact; because I'm not in office 'coz I'm a workaholic, I'm in office simply 'coz I did not feel like working almost the entire week. Again, which doesn't mean I did not work at all; it just means that I worked just as much as was enough to let everyone know that I was working. =))

Coming to which, I think that working in a team is really difficult - so kudos to all you who think team work is cool. I mean, it's really necessary when you need some help, 'coz experience does count; but otherwise it requires a lot of dedication (at least from me) if you want to focus on your work, and not on tea/coffee/gup-shups with your 'team' :-p

Again, coming to which, I think dedication is an element that iGod altogether forgot to put in me (especially, dedication when it comes to 'working' ;)) 'coz even when I'm looking all sincere with my assignments, my mind is flashing with scores of ideas of anything under the sun, right from a long-forgotten movie to the way the person I'm talking to keeps repeating a certain phrase. :-p

Well, mom says I have a brilliant mind ;) ;), and so I can do whatever I set my eyes upon and do it brilliantly (I think every mother thinks the same of her child, but who am I to question what my mom says? :-p). So I've been trying hard (not to do something brilliant, but to set my eyes upon something that I'd want to do brilliantly :-p) ; may my mom's wishes come true. Amen!

chanchal si, hansti hui, uchhalti hui ... .dikhti thi hamesha....
koi poochhe to kehti ke bahut door jaana hai...

dariya thi wo, mil gai saagar mein....

(oh, btw, this is not an original one :) I just read the lines somewhere)

Mera yaar mila de saaiyaan

Movie: Saathiya
Lyrics: Gulzar
Music: A.R.Rehman

Songs, like ghosts of memories buried long ago, keep coming back to you. Songs of Saathiya are not new to me. But for the last 2 years, they've been nothing more than an occasional background sound in the clamorous drama of my life.
I recently rediscovered the songs while searching for Gulzaar, who essentially stands for 'meaningful lyrics' to me.
With Rehman, the more you listen to his music - the more it gets on you. But almost always, of all the songs in the movie, my favorite turns out to be the song he has sung himself. Take Dil Se title track, Swades title track, Khalbali from Rang De Basanti, or Yaar Mila De from Saathiya - they all are in Rehman's voice.

So, here are the (very roughly) translated lyrics for the song :)

.

Banjar hai sab banjar hai, hum dhoondhne jab firdaus chale
Teri khoj-talaash mein dekh piya hum kitne kaale kos chale
(Seeking a garden, all that I see is this barren land.
How many joyless/vague miles must I travel looking for you?)

Mera yaar mila de saaiyaan, ik baar mila de saaiyaan
(Meet me, my love; beloved, meet me just once)

Maine foRa foRa falak chhaana, maine toRe toRe taare chune
Sirf ek teri aahat ke liye kankar, patthar, but saare sune

(I've cracked open the sky, and broken apart the stars.
Seeking the sound of your footsteps, I've borne the silence of stones and idols alike.)

Mera yaar mila de saaiyaan

Taaron ki chamak yeh subah takal
Lagti hi nahin pal bhar ko pakal
(This star light till the morning,
Doesn't let me sleep even for a second.)
Maine foRa foRa falak chhaana, maine toRe toRe taare chune
Sirf ek teri aahat ke liye kankar, patthar, but saare sune
HuN mere se ruswaaiyaan
(And I find only disgrace)
Aa dekh meri peshaani ko, taqdeer ke harfe likhe hain
Main kitni baar pukaarun tujhe, tere naam ke safhe likhe hain

(Do you not see the words of fate written on my forehead?
How many times must I call out to you? Pages have been written only of your name.)

Mera yaar mila de saaiyaan
.

Friday, finally!

A friday, at last. The day I can't work, however much I force myself to - not that I force myself much ;)
So, everyone has a smile (genuine), noone's fretting over work, and the 'bosses' are not acting as bosses. We have three training sessions, all scheduled at the same time, and two in the same conference room ;) It's funny how the project leads don't discuss things with their colleagues, at the same time instructing their team to discuss everything with everyone else.
And then there's this weekly team meeting, that everyone looks forward to. They'd have been even more successful had there been refreshments to go with the 'weekely team break' :-p

Yet another thing to look forward to is the Circus show we're planning to go to. I don't think it'll materialize, though. Not because we're lazy - just 'coz it's a friday, and we should have booked the tickets some time in advance.
The last time I visited a circus was in Chennai - The Gemini Circus. The performers were efficient, the show excellent - at the same time, heartbraking. Most of the performers were so young, they should have been studying in a school, playing, reciting rhymes - and not risking their lives, while people like us clapped for them.

Also in the list this weekend is some last-minute (last-weekend) Deepawali shopping before I leave for home next thursday. (Suggest some gift for my bhabhi, anyone ;) ). Would also love to have a good coffee at Barista this weekend, if I could convince someone to come along. I wonder if the Bad coffee in the office is on purpose, so that we don't get addicted. Such altruism on the part of HCL!

And yet again, I wish I could be more like my mother. I'm a dreamer, she - a doer. If I see something bad around me, I know it's bad, I also know why it's bad, I can tell others that it's bad. If she sees it, she'll do something to set it right; and not sit around criticizing it. If I see something good, I'll praise it, I'll love it. If she likes something, she'll do something similar, or better.
What do you see me doing now? Praising my mother, criticizing the coffee at office - but 'not feeling like doing anything' :-p

So, let me at least make a wish-list.

• I wish I could be more focused.
• I wish I could prepare a list (another list) ;) of movies/music I like (a task given to me days back)
• I wish I could write better. I wish that over and over again, every time I read anything well-written.
• I wish I could take some time out for myself, and learn something new.
• I wish I were not this lazy.
• I wish I could take a long leave. :-<
• I wish I wished less, and did more. :-p
• I wish you all a happy weekend ;)

:)

Everything's Fair in Love and War!

Let's leave the 'war' part for now :-p

And in love, well, loving each other is not enough. It may be the beginning AND the end, but there's a lot in between. Trust, for example. And this 'taken-forgranted' trust (or the lack of it) often decides the shape of a relationship.

It's all rosy in the beginning. Thing is, we don't care! It doesn't matter what the other person is doing. Or WHY. But as things move on, this 'why' becomes the most-used word in couples. Why didn't you call me? Why did you get late? Why didn't you let me know? Why're you talking to me like this? Why do you go to that restaurant? Why do you wear that? Why do you talk to XYZ? Why don't you like talking about ABC? Why don't you shave? Why do you watch that stupid channel? And so on and so forth. For every why there's a counter-why. And neither partner lets the other remain 'why-less' for long. And most of the time, it doesn't even mean anything. Most of the time, the question is irrelevant. It's the tone that tells the story.

And that brings us to another highly used tool in love. Sarcasm. Actually, it's as beautiful as it is intricate. It's not like a missile that'll go 'boom' and destroy everything, it's like burning coal that'll burn your hand - slowly - and hurt till it turns itself into ashes. And maybe that's why - it's mostly the weapon of guys (like crying is of girls ;) ).

In fact, people in relationships (both guys and girls) have even confessed to getting pleasure out of hurting their partners. "Just wanted to ensure I could still hurt you!" Ha, Nice! And it's not sadism, just "I'm still the boss" feeling.

Gee, I'm on the wrong track :D Am feeling like a 'Love Guru' :D Will post it anyway! :) And here's a link, just for fun ;)
http://www.funnyhub.com/pictures/img/a-happy-couple.jpg

Innocence

It is desirable, most of the time – expected, especially in girls.
I’m not claiming innocence; in fact, I confess that I’m not innocent – innocence, as in naivety. But then, what’s the big deal? Do only men have the right to be intelligent?
I want my freedom, my space, recognition, money, love. Or maybe, I want to be lost, be left alone. Whatever!
Or, leave my being ‘girl’ aside. Suppose I’m any X-Y-Z around you. Suppose I’m you. Now, isn't the right to 'want' something, or to 'not want' something else, a most basic one?
Why can't I be mean to others, why do I have to be mean to myself?
.............

[Oh, and this is not directed towards anyone. I mean ANYONE whosoever. Thank you!]

Tere Aane Ki Jab...

Tere aane ki jab khabar mahke
Teri khushbu se saara ghar mahke

Shaam mahke tere tasavvur se
Shaam ke baad phir sahar mahke

Raat bhar sochta raha tujhko
Zehan-o-dil mere raat bhar mahke

Yaad aaye to dil munavvar ho
Deed ho jaaye, to nazar mahke

Woh ghadi do ghadi jahaan baithe
Woh zameen mahke woh shajar mahke