Wo Shaam Kuchh Ajeeb Thi

She couldn't just barge in my house like that! It's been two years!

There she was, sitting in the balcony, sipping what seemed like one of Hitesh's concoctions, talking to him like they were long lost friends. Hitesh - my roommate, and more importantly, my drinking mate and her archenemy. On seeing me, Hitesh excused himself. Where did he learn these manners? Today was turning to be stranger by the minute.

I went after him.
"I thought you hated her", I said.
"She's not half bad!"
"Really? How do you figure?"
"We chatted."
"Just like that? What about all that talk of how she's a b*tch?"
"Well, the vodka helped."
"And you drank vodka! What's gotten into you?"

Grinning like a Cheshire cat, he slammed the door on my face. I had to pause, reign my thoughts before I could go back to the balcony and face her.

There she was, sitting like it was any other day. She nonchalantly, almost absent-mindedly, patted the chair asking me to sit down. As if I was the outsider in this house!

And then she started talking of movies. It was her only connection to the outside world. That, and cricket. She hardly talked of anything else, especially when she was nervous. There was no mention of what happened two years ago and ever since.

"Can I have another one of these?", she touched the empty glass. Her eyes already had the glassy, faraway look.

Meanwhile, Hitesh has taken to playing all sort of inappropriate songs, right from "Wo shaam kuchh ajeeb thi" to "Tum aa gaye ho, noor aa gaya hai". And when he played "Tere bina zindagi se koi shikwa to nahin", she said in a spot-on imitation of Suchitra Sen's voice "Do baras lambi thi na?" and started laughing.

Alcohol helped her loosen up. I was dreading 'the talk'. But she never brought it up. I was secretly glad that she was back like nothing had happened. And then she blurted, "I'm moving to Tennessee." I was shocked and probably heartbroken, I think, but the vodka ensured it didn't show on my face.

"Let's watch Before Sunset. We never got to watch it together.", she said. At this point, she was too drunk to understand any of it. But we had both watched it many times, so I played it and ordered pizza. We watched in silence till the pizza came. And then ate in silence. It was our movie, there was no need to say anything. And we were too wasted to be talking.

Midway the movie and the pizza, she fell asleep. At that moment, she didn't look that pretty. But she seemed perfectly at home, right in the middle of those half-filled glasses and half-eaten pizza; the flickering images from TV casting lights and shadows on her face. I knew she didn't want to leave. I just had to make her stay. And that, my lord, is when I killed her.

अमलतास

उसी अमलतास के तले बुलाना था मुझे आखिरी बार? हमारी कहानी का अंत कहीं और भी तो हो सकता था. 

उस आखिरी मुलाकात को कितनी बार दिमाग में रिप्ले किया होगा मैंने! 

साढ़े नौ साल बीत गए उस दिन को - कई शहर, कई साथी, कई मंजिलें - पर वक़्त-बेवक़्त आँखों के आगे तुम्हारा चेहरा  तैर जाता था, तो यूँ लगता था कि तमाम उम्र का दर्द एक झटके से सीने में उतर आया हो.

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तुम्हारा बस चलता तो हर दिन बस उसी अमलतास के रंग के कपड़े पहनाते मुझे! और शिफॉन से भी तो कुछ ज्यादा ही प्यार था ना तुम्हे उन दिनों? 

तुम भी भूले तो नहीं होगे मुझे! कहा करते थे, 'हमारी कहानी पे एक नॉवेल लिखा जा सकता है'. पर ऐसे सैड एंडिंग वाले नॉवेल ज्यादा बिकते नहीं. सोचती थी अब की बार मिलेंगे तो एक नया अंजाम देंगे इस कहानी को - उसी अमलतास के तले जो आज भी अपनी हैप्पी एंडिंग के इंतज़ार में है. 

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और फिर तुम्हारा उस शौपिंग कॉम्प्लेक्स में अचानक मिल जाना! तुम खुश से ज्यादा हैरान लग रहे थे मुझे देख कर, जैसे किसी भूत को देख लिया हो. बोलने की सारी ज़िम्मेदारी मुझपे ही डाल दी. खैर तुम हमेशा से ही कम बोलते थे और मेरे पास भी हज़ार बातें थी करने के लिए. मेरे लिए तुम्हारे "हाँ, हूँ" भी दुनिया भर के लोगों की तमाम बातों से बढ़कर थे हमेशा से.

तुम्हारे वज़न बढ़ जाने और कपड़े पहनने का अंदाज़ ना बदलने की बातों के दौरान, कब वो आ के खड़ी हो गयी मैंने देखा ही नहीं. मैं तो आसमान में उड़ रही थी. और जब तुमने उसका तार्रुफ़ करवाया तो लगा ग्रैविटी ने बड़ी ज़ोर से मुझे धरती पे वापस ला पटका. तो ये थी हमारी असल आखिरी मुलाक़ात. शुक्र है शौपिंग कॉम्प्लेक्स की गैर-रोमैंटिक ज़मीन पर थी.

बाई द वे, वो पीली शिफॉन की सारी काफ़ी फ़ब रही थी उस पर.

Hijr (Javed Akhtar)

कोई शेर कहूँ
या दुनिया के किसी मौज़ूं* पर
मैं कोई नया मज़मून* पढूँ
या कोई अनोखी बात सुनूँ
कोई बात
जो हँसने वाली हो
कोई फ़िक़रा* 
जो दिलचस्प लगे
या कोई ख़याल अछूता सा 
या कहीं मिले
कोई मंज़र
जो हैरां कर दे
कोई लम्हा
जो दिल को छू जाए
मैं अपने ज़हन के गोशों* में
इन सबको सँभाल के रखता हूँ
और सोचता हूँ
जब मिलोगे
तुमको सुनाऊँगा ।

[
हिज्र = separation
मौज़ूं = subject
मज़मून = article, write-up
फ़िक़रा = sentence
गोशों = corners
]

Rewa - I

सर्दियों की सुबह का वो वक़्त होता है ना - जब आपको ज़बरदस्ती उठाया जा रहा हो, और आप "पाँच मिनट और" कहके दूसरी ओर करवट ले कर सो जाते हैं - रीवा शहर दिन के उसी वक़्त जैसा है. जागा हुआ, पर उनींदा.

Sorry Shaktimaan! (Facebook version)

(Click on the image to enlarge)

Sorry Shaktimaan!

(Click on the image to enlarge)

Swades: Musings

Shah Rukh Khan works his charm and energy to perfection in the song 'Yeh taara woh taara' from Swades. Right from his attire (a simple blue shirt with a pair of jeans) to those awesome signature dance moves - there is something so genuine about him in it that the song has an immense draw and repeat value (at least for me).

It doesn't hurt that I have some beautiful memories associated with it (and with Swades, in general). I can still remember the corridors of our hostel (Niveshnam) continuously echoing with the songs from Swades, specially 'Yeh jo des hai tera'.

Then there was this weekend in Nashville, TN - me and Swati were whaling away time, watching youtube. We started with Michael Jackson moonwalking gloriously in some stage performance, moved to 'We are the world', from there to 'Vande Mataram', and so on. By the time we reached 'Yeh jo des hai tera', we were both crying, literally. It was embarrassing and emotional at the same time - like a lot of things are. We had our share of fun in the US, but there was something amiss; and the songs of Swades reminded us of those things. Cliched, but true!

AR Rahman, you are a magician. That an article on rediff listing the best of your work in Bollywood movies can miss out on Taal and Lagaan shows the range of amazing scores you have to your credit. Having even one of these movies to their names would have made some other music director 'a force to reckon with' in media parlance.

The score of Swades goes on to show that it's not just with electronic arrangements and complex instruments that Rahman works his magic. Even a simple arrangement can be immensely beautiful and moving. Listen to any song, from 'Yun hi chala chal' to 'Yeh taara' to 'Pal-pal hai bhaari' to know what I mean.

Before I end this piece, did I mention about the charm and energy of SRK in this song? I did? Well, I'd never get tired of it :)

A different kind of afternoon

Have this sudden urge to write. As if I must write it all before something in me ends, as if I'm working against a deadline. I often have these phases when I stop writing altogether. Last time that phase lasted a few years.

On a totally different note, आज राजघाट के सामने बने इग्नू के सेंटर पर जाने का मौका मिला. वैसे काम तो इग्नू में था, पर वहाँ से ज्यादा अच्छा 'गाँधी स्मृति एवं दर्शन समिति' कैम्पस में जा कर लगा (इग्नू की इमारत इस के अन्दर ही है). शहर की भाग-दौड़ के बीचोबीच ऐसी शांत जगह की उम्मीद नहीं थी, इसलिए शायद और pleasant surprise था. 

रीसर्च स्कालर्स के लिए बना गेस्ट हाउस देख कर लगा, मानो ये बिल्डिंग मेरे सपनो से निकाल के यहाँ ला कर रख दी गयी हो. चारों ओर से ऊंचे पेड़ों और हरी घास से घिरी, लाल ईंटों से बनी इस इमारत का आर्किटेक्चर काफी angular सा है. अपने मोबाइल फ़ोन के १.३ मेगा पिक्सल के कैमरे से चोरी से खींची हुई एक फोटो लगा देती हूँ, हालाँकि इससे उस जगह की खूबसूरती का बिलकुल अंदाज़ा नहीं लगता.

इससे थोडा आगे बढ़ने पर बायीं तरफ एक बड़ा सा lawn नज़र आता है. इसकी boundary walls काले रंग की wrought iron की छड़ों से बनी हुई है, जिस पर हिंदी के महान कवियों व लेखकों की तस्वीरों, कविताओं व गद्यांशों वाले करीब 3x6 फुट के कई बोर्ड लगे हुए हैं. मुंशी प्रेमचंद्र, अज्ञेय, गोपाल सिंह नेपाली आदि से कभी मुलाकात का मन हो, तो वहां जाइएगा.

आगे इग्नू की बिल्डिंग की ओर बढ़ने पर गाँधी जी के एक बड़े से स्टैचू पर नज़र पड़ती है. लेकिन इनकी दिल्ली या भारत में कोई कमी नहीं है, इसलिए ध्यान अभी भी पीछे छूटे कवियों पर ही अटका रहता है.

अक्टूबर के साथ शुरू हो चुके गुलाबी मौसम ने इस मौके को दोगुना ख़ास बना दिया. वैसे तो आज-कल अक्टूबर हो या जून, पक्षियों की आवाज़ सुने महीनों बीत जाते हैं.

वहां जा कर लगा, कभी बहुत से पैसे हों, तो खुद के लिए एक ३२-मंजिला घर बनवाने से अच्छा है खूब सारी ज़मीन ले कर, खूब सारे पेड़ लगा कर, उनके बीच एक छोटा सा दुमंजिला बनवाना. एक तरफ गुलमोहर, एक तरफ अमलतास, एक तरफ पलाश, कुछ बोटल-ब्रश. एक छोटा सा तालाब भी बन सके तो क्या ही बात हो!

Whistling and our family

Ours is a family where whistling is almost a tradition. Situ dada taught me the simplest form when I was around 8. I remember my classmates pretending to be outraged by it (I'm sure they were impressed, maybe even a little jealous). I understand that studying as we were in the RSS run Saraswati Shishu Mandir, it was expected of them to take the moral high ground all the time.  

The more elaborate whistling (with fingers) was taught in a more elaborate class held by Cheeku dada, spanning various ceremonies in the course of Shraddha didi's wedding. Kids of all age-groups were welcome to learn the art, and the course was followed by practicals exams.

Now, be it in college auditoriums, after winning cricket matches, in cinema halls at item numbers, Dil To Pagal Hai style whistling on an empty moon-lit roads, while dancing at baaraats, tapori style whistling, or whistling for the heck of it at family gatherings - this is a tradition that has helped us connect with each other and baffle others over the years.

Here is to many more years of whistling our way out of blues!

Did you know?

1. RD Burman has used whistling in his songs a number of times.

2. Anu Malik is an accomplished whistler. He often whistles for his own songs (like Main Hoon Na title track)

3. I found the Sanskrit prayers we used to say in our school on the wikipedia page :D

The fingers of death

This cruel, bottomless pit keeps dragging me back to its damp darkness. I try to claw my way back, but exhaustion is overtaking me. The touch of those cold fingers scares and appalls me.

I can still feel your touch at my fingertips. But it seems to be slipping away. I just want to put my head in your lap and sleep. 

Daftar ke Din

दफ्तर के दिन 

एक को 'ग़बन' के सफहों के बीच बुक-मार्क बना के रख छोड़ा 

कुछ को कॉफ़ी के संग निगल लिया

कईयों को अख़बार की तरह -

सरसरी निगाह से देख भर के किनारे रख दिया 

कुछ दिन अब भी कनाट प्लेस के सर्कल्स के चक्कर ही लगा रहे हैं 

दफ्तर के दिन, हम बस ऐसे बिता रहे हैं!

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Office Days

One is now a bookmark for 'Ghaban'

Some were gulped down with a hurried cappuccino

Many were just glanced upon like a newspaper, and cast aside

Some days are still hanging around at Connaught Place

This is how I'm spending, my office days! 

तुम्हारी याद

किसी शाम तुम्हारी याद यूं आती है, 

मानो सागर किनारे खड़े हों, 

और एक लहर तर-ब-तर करते हुए, 

साँसों तक में नमकीन पानी भर जाए. 

ऐसी शामों में, एक-एक सांस भारी हो जाती है. 

हर सांस, लगता है मानो जान ले कर ही बाहर आएगी.

.

दर्द की इन्तेहा

दर्द ऐसा कि बस, सहा न जाए

हर एक छुअन पर जान मुंह को आती है 

उफ़! ये नाखून का यूं टूट जाना 

My old poems

Browsing through my blog posts, came across a few decent (OK) poems written at various points of time by me.  They're all in Hindi/Urdu. Sharing those again, hoping for some extra hits and comments :P

1. Farishta

2. Daayre

3. Har Roz

4. Kachche Dhaage

If you liked these, you can go to the "Poetry" section on my blog and read a few more.

Allah ke bande

Song: Allah ke bande
Movie: Waisa Bhi Hota Hai Part II
Written and performed by: Kailash Kher
Composed by: Vishal-Shekhar

This is one of my all-time favorites - mostly because it has been sung with such honesty. Kailash Kher's voice was really divine at that time - totally unmarred by commercial success and ego. He has sung this song with a joyous abundance of someone who's singing for the love of it - and not to sell records.

Vishal-Shekar's music is genuine and uplifting - unlike their faux-peppy songs in later albums like Dostana, I Hate Luv Storys, Anjaana-Anjaani et.al. Honestly, I may not be able to tell one from the other at some time in near future.

There is something in this song, something surreal almost, that touches my soul and makes me smile every time I listen to it. It may seem like an exaggeration, but it actually makes me a little more hopeful, and a little less cynical. Music can be so powerful at times.

.

Goodbye, Coffee!

Dear Coffee,

I love you, but it's time we parted ways. 

I know you've been with me in my most difficult times. And believe me, leaving you is a lot more painful for me than it will ever be for you. It's hardly been a few hours, and I already feel crappy. 

But it has come to this - you have hurt me. I never thought you'd do this to me, knowing how much I depended on you. Guess that was my undoing. I wish I could say "It's not you, it's me." But it really is you. Mom used to constantly tell me that you're not good for me. I wish I paid heed before it was too late.

I think I'll even have to avoid coffee shops, given how much time we've spent together there. I might even bump into you sometime, and things might get awkward. 'Cause no matter what I say, it'll be hard for me to not fall for you yet again.

Know this, though - I loved you deeply. I loved waking up to you, loved the way you popped up in the middle of a dreary day and made it bearable, loved how you stayed up with me during my exams, even loved your  dark and bitter side.

But I won't get swept off my feet again. I'm not averse to an occasional rendezvous, but that's all there will be to us.

Adiós!
~K

Image Source

Hindi

हिंदी दिवस के अवसर पर यह सोच कर अच्छा लग रहा है, कि मेरी पढाई एक हिंदी भाषी स्कूल में हुई. इससे मेरी अंग्रेजी कमज़ोर नहीं हुई, पर हिंदी ज़रूर आज तक मज़बूत है.

आज भी मैं हिंदी उपन्यास पढ़ती हूँ, हिंदी अंको को पहचानती हूँ (कई लोगों को यह मुश्किल लगता है), और हिंदी की बारीकियों को समझ सकती हूँ. हिंदी कविताओं का एक अलग आनंद है. साथ ही, इससे उर्दू समझने में भी आसानी होती है.

इसका बहुत सा श्रेय मम्मी को जाता है. एक ऐसे समय में, जब हर कोई सोचता है कि अंग्रेजी स्कूल ही अच्छे हैं, उन्होंने एक स्कूल के माध्यम से ज्यादा उसमें पढाई के स्तर को अहमियत दी. साथ ही लगातार हमें हिंदी और अंग्रेजी दोनों भाषाओँ में ज्यादा से ज्यादा पढने के लिए प्रेरित किया. 

साथ ही मेरे स्कूल, 'सरस्वती शिशु मंदिर' और बनस्थली विद्यापीठ को बहुत, बहुत धन्यवाद. उनके सिखाये हुए सिद्धांत उम्र भर मेरे साथ रहेंगे. 

New Blog: Gulzar 101

I've created a new blog: Gulzar 101

It's a blog where I write about my interpretations (mostly translations that make a little more sense than the ones already available on the web) of Gulzar's songs. They might not be deep, might not even be accurate; but hopefully might prove to be useful. Once in a while I might even go into the philosophy/thought behind the song.

I hope to update this blog regularly. But then, I'm a fickle, so I won't make any promises.

http://gulzar101.blogspot.com/

Please visit. Comments and brickbats welcome!

Sketch: Marilyn Monroe

Another one of my sketches, of Marilyn Monroe. With it, I was mostly learning about drawing blonde hair. Hope you like it :)

I'm just learning sketching, and to add to it, am pretty irregular too. I have been forever trying to be more regular, but now I've accepted that that's just not me. 

Johnny Depp and Audrey Hepburn

So I've started sketching recently. Re-started, actually 8-|
Presenting before you, Johnny Depp and Audrey Hepburn :)