Ten Years

It was 10 years ago that I left home for studies.
I completed my higher secondary school, graduation, post graduation and 2 years of working.
I failed, faulted, learned and unlearnt. Lived, loved, lost and moved on.
Got spectacles. Got a job. Got appreciated, loved and hated. Got above it all.
Changed cities, my life and myself. From Rewa to Jaipur to Noida to US. And back.

There's so much still to come. So much more to see. To discover. To be done.

[And after all this time, what I feel I need the most is some peace of mind.]

Jaipur Blasts

'Why?' was the first thing that came to my mind. I've never seen a more peaceful / peace-loving city. In fact, why any place at all?

[And National Handloom (Johri Bazar) was the last shop I had been to on my last trip to Jaipur :( ]
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It's only words!

The room was dark, damp, empty. And the words, fluorescent, floated in the air. She sat in a corner, face buried in knees, trying to lose the sound and sight of the words.

The words were not accusing, or at least so they claimed. Some said they were here to help. Why then wouldn’t they let her be? She felt she must sleep, but with eyes shut that hard, sleep wasn’t possible.

And then there was silence. An almost ominous silence, she thought. There also was a sudden chill in the air, as she thought she felt the words closing in on her, silently. She also thought she could feel them breathing - on her arms, her shoulders, on her neck.

She was afraid to scream or protest, ‘coz that would mean adding more words to the clamor. The air was getting colder, and she wondered if she would die. But, of course, words don’t kill. She felt them oozing, seeping from the ceiling, the walls; crawling on the floor. The air hung, heavy and humid, barely breathable, almost liquid.

She wondered how longer she could resist them, and would it be better to let them feast upon her heart, brain and soul. They said it was painless. She thought of robots and zombies. Then she knew.

She walked out of the room, her room, into the sunshine. The words followed, but out here they didn’t seem ominous. She thought they looked almost ridiculous. The sun winked at her from behind a cloud, and she laughed back.
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Safar

Yun lagta hai ki sirf chalte rahne ki dhun mein is safar ke maani kahin kho gaye hain. Bas, chale ja rahe hain - kabhie aadatan, kabhie majbooran.
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Saath Tera

Jashn-e-hasti, raahat-e-rooh; mire janaab
Saath tera

Hijr ki sab raaton ka durust jawaab,
Saath tera

________________________

Jashn-e-hasti : A celebration of one's being
Raahat-e-rooh : Peace for one's soul
Hijr : Separation
Durust : Apt
________________________

Andhere-Ujaale

Yeh kaun sa pehar hai?

Maano mazaak-mazaak mein kisi ne din ke andhere aur raat ki roshni ke beech ki lakeer mita di ho!

Yeh shaam hai ya sehar hai?!
Yeh kaun sa pehar hai?

Qayaamat

Dam liya tha na qayaamat ne hanoz
Phir tera waqt-e-safar yaad aaya

[Ghalib]

Gham-e-Hasti

Gham-e-hasti ka Asad kis se ho juz marg ilaaj
Shama har rang mein jalti hai sehar hote tak

[Ghalib]


Translation:
If you're suffering from the pain of existence, there's no cure for you (save death)
A candle has to burn (in all its colors) till dawn


What I think it means:
Just like a candle has to burn (be in pain) constantly till the morning; in a similar fashion, for someone in love, life itself becomes a constant suffering , and there is no respite till death.


Word meaning:
Hasti = existence
Juz = other than
Marg = death
Ilaaj = cure
Shama = candle
Sehar = dawn

Parvaaz (Flight)

Dastakein dein, dar naye kuchh khol dein
Hansein, khilein,
Chup geeton ko phir bol dein
Andhera chubh raha hai aankhon mein
Syaah raaton mein chaandani ab ghol dein

Dilon ki bandishon se nikaalein raaz ko
Khula gagan dein, pankh dein parvaaz ko!

Milein, puraane doston ko naye naam dein
Thak chuki aankhon ko kuchh aaraam dein
Hadd mein baandhein kyun zehan ke khwaabon ko?
Khwaahishon ko aao hum anjaam dein!

Chalo, aawaaz de bula lein apne aaj ko
Chhoo kar hawa ko, pankh dein parvaaz ko!

Kabragaah

Chand (चंद) khwaab dafn hain yahan
Ek rooh bhi.
Aur dekho, kitne pyaar se
Koi roz berukhi ke phool chadha jaata hai!
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Nothing funny

Don't try to be my fortune cookie!
Don't tell me what's in store for me

Echoing Silences

If I lose you, my love
I'm scared, not of
Years wasted
And neither shall I
Find myself unable to live without you

[I'll be strong and move on
And all that, you know!]

What does scare me, love
Is the thought of
My dreams, trashed -
Rendered pointless
Of pain excruciating,
But meaningless
Of a pain that will
Fade away with time -
Like a fading rag in the sun

There are things you're not supposed to
Talk objectively about
And I dread being talked of
Objectively - as your past
Like a long-forgotten taste of
Vanilla flavored coffee

And, sunshine, don't let my memory
Come as a lump of guilt
Or a pang of heartache
Or a moment of sundown
Let it play in the twitch of your smile

And promise me,
That a part of me will continue to live in you
And I swear, that
A part of you shall forever be in my soul.

Mostly Harmless

My creation! :p
Anyway, with working hours stretching infinitely, this is how I feel.
And 'Mostly Harmless' is the novel I'm reading - Fifth in the H2G2 trilogy. (yes, I've already read the other four! ^_^)

A Sleepy Hello!

From Pt. Jawaharlal Nehru's famous speech (Tryst with destiny) on Aug 15, 1947 -

"At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom. A moment comes, which comes but rarely in history, when we step out from the old to the new, when an age ends, and when the soul of a nation, long suppressed, finds utterance..... We end today a period of ill fortune, and India discovers herself again. [...] "

Well, actually, just wanted to write a blog and all that - after all this time. And since some unforeseen event see me sitting at my desk at this ungodly hour (it Aug 14, 11:58 hrs), and fortunately I came across this speech, I don't really have to write something on my own!

So, a sleepy hello to all of you, and to the nation! I wonder if it's awake after all these years.

As for me, I'm very much alive, though very very much sleepy and tired and what-not. If time permits it, you'll see frequent posts on the blog in a few days :)

Intehaa

Raat gaye chaand, chup-chaap
Doodhiya syaahi faila jaata hai.

Lamhon ki ibaarat
Dhundhli ho chali hai ab
Yaadon ke zard pannon par

Reality Check

"Ek hi khwaab kai baar dekha hai maine"

Wrote Gulzar once, and quite a number of couth Indian men went "Aah, wouldn't I love a life/wife like her!". Things, ofcourse, are not always as good as they seem. And neither was Gulzar's dream. Sigh!

"Gungunaati hui nikli hai naha kar jab bhi
Apne bheege hue baalon se tapakta paani
Mere chehre pe chhidak deti hai, tu Tikku ki bachchi!"

Sounds romantic, doesn't it? Well sure it does (sound romantic), but that's about it. Welcome to reality, Tikku! Chances are, Patidev loves his slumber more than you, and the scene would be - Patidev's in the bed, trying hard not to get woken up by your crooning, and if so much as the tiniest droplet of water from your hair reaches his face, all hell breaks loose! "Tikku, shut up with that stupid song and lemme sleep! I had been in the office the night before till eleven!! And it's just 9 in the morning for God's sake!!! *&%$#" ... And you wish you still stayed with your female flatmates (who'd break into an antakshari on the hint of a song!)

"Taash ke patton pe laDti hai kabhie kabhie khel mein mujhse
Aur kabhie laDti bhi aise ki bas khel rahi ho mujhse"

Very well written. But, ahem, reality check - The moment you start "laDna" (however playfully, however outta love), Patidev goes on the defensive "Can't you talk to me even for a moment without cribbing, complaining or sulking? I can't recall when it was last that we talked for an hour without arguing!! Blah Blah Blah?!!! Blah Blah Blah???" Oops!

So, wake up, women! Charm, courtesy and chivalry are not necessarily your guy's everyday adornments. Neither is romance. And wake up, men! Wake up before your girl runs away screaming.

Life's not a dream written by Gulzar, after all.

iGoogle

What does your Google home page look like?

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सतपुडा

Well, ever since I posted the poem "Satpura Ke Ghane Jangal" in my other blog, I've been asked a few times for the full poem. And since I got it some days back, I'm posting the same here

सत्पुडा के घने जंगल

सतपुडा के घने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

झाड़ ऊंचे और नीचे
चुप खडे हैं आंख मीचे
घास चुप है, काश चुप है
मूक शाल-पलाश चुप है

बन सके तो धंसो इनमें
धंस ना पाती हवा jinmein
सत्पुरा के घने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

सडे पत्ते, गले पत्ते
हरे पत्ते, जले पत्ते
वन्य का पथ ढँक रहे से
पंक दल में पले पत्ते

चलो इन पर चल सको तो
दलो इनको दल सको तो
यह ghinaune-घने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

अटपटी उलझी लताएं
Daaliyon को खींच खायें
पैर को पकडें अचानक
प्रान को कस लें, कपायें

सांप सी काली लताएं
बला कीपाली लताएं
लताओं के बने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

MakDiyon के जाल मुह पर,
और sir के बाल मुह पर
मच्छरों के दंश वाले
दाग काले-लाल मुह पर

वात-झंझा वहन करते
चलो इतना सहन करते
कष्ट से ये सने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

अजगरों से भरे जंगल
अगम, gati से परे जंगल
सात-सात पहाड़ वाले
बडे, छोटे बाघ वाले
गरज और दहाड़ वाले
कंप से कनकने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

इन वनों के ख़ूब भीतर
चार मुर्गे, चार तीतर
पाल के nishchint बैठे
Vijan वन के बीच बैठे
झोपड़ी पर फूस डाले
गोंड तगडे और काले

जब ki होली पास आती
सरसराती घास गाती
और महुए से लपकती
मत्त करती बास आती
गूँज उठते बोल इनके
गीत इनके, ढोल इनके

सत्पुरा के घने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

जागते अँगङाइयों में
खोह, खड्डे, खाइयों में
घास पागल, काश पागल,
शाल और पलाश पागल,
लता पागल, वात पागल,
डाल पागल, पात पागल,
मत्त मुर्गे और तीतर
इन वनों के ख़ूब भीतर!

Kshitij तक फैला हुआ सा
मृत्यु तक मैला हुआ सा
Kshubdh काली लहर वाला
Mathit, utthit ज़हर वाला
मेरु वाला, शेष वाला,
शंभु और सुरेश वाला

एक सागर जानते हो,
उसे कैसे मानते हो?
ठीक वैसे घने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

धंसो इनमें डर नहीं है,
मौत का ये घर नहीं है,
उतरकर बहते अनेकों,
कल-कथा कहते अनेकों,
नदी nirjhar और नाले,
इन वनों ने गोद पाले,
लाख पंछी सौ hiran दल
चांद के kitne kiran दल
झूमते बन-फूल, फलीयां
खिल रही agyaat kaliyaan
हिरत दूर्वा, रक्त kislay,
पूत, पावन, पूर्ण रसमय,
सत्पुरा के घने जंगल
लताओं के बने जंगल!

(by Bhawani Prasad Mishra)

Huff! Now I know how Shankar Mahadevan must have felt after singing "Breathless" :p
But, nevertheless, it's a beautiful poem. If only someone could muster up the courage and patience required to finish it!

For you all, in Hindi! :) (Thanks, Ritz)

Wow! यह तो कमाल है! ;)

[Well, I found typing words like 'kiran', 'kitne' (basically anything with a chhoTee i ki maatra impossible! So, if anyone knows who to type them, please help me out :)]

Maha Random-Rants

[Warning: Beware of Boasts]

Well, lemme introduce you to the brand new Sun Certified Java Programmer Kanupriya B-). Yes, I cleared SCJP today, with a score of nothing less than a boast-able 96%.

And for all the SCJP aspirants, here's a list of handy tips -

• Beware of compiler errors! The most innocent looking code is just as evil (or eviler) than any other POC (piece of code - technical term). There were at least 7-8 questions in the exam which resulted in a compiler error.
• Qestions on threads are devilish. I'm sure the person(s) who came up with them have a sadistic streak in them. Prepare well for threads, synchronization and the works.
• Inheritance/Overriding/Overloading - people tend to take these too lightly. Don't!
• Exceptions are not quite as bad as you think they are. Understanding just the basic concepts and exception hierarchy will take you a long way in exception handling.

Umm, I guess it doesn't make a lot of sense to post all this here, but whatever, I'm a proud Sun Certified Java Programmer, and I have every right to brag, for a day at least :p My PM was so happy with the result, he got a cake for the SCJPs of his project. So, that's a plus for me (especially just before the appraisal).

That reminds me, I hope I get a respectable increment in this appraisal. (My mom was not really happy about the fact that I haven't saved a penny in the 1 yr (almost - I complete one year in HCL tomorrow)). Again, that reminds me - a few days back I got a mail from my friend (who works in the same office as me), asking me for 500 bugs, urgently. Now, everyone needs a few bugs in the code (rozi-roti ka sawaal, you know!). But FIVE HUNDRED bugs! That crosses the imagination of even the most optimistic tester!

Anyway, she soon realised her mistake (on it being made into PJ, of course) and said she'd be rather happy if I could just lend her 500 bucks, which, for her dismay (this sure is an understatement), I didn't have.

And, last but not the least, I got a pedicure (for the first time) this weekend. :p And, I must admit, it was rather good. Though when I got to know what the 'good-ness' costs, umm, I was not very happy :p

So that kinda sums up this weekends events. Add to it a hurried (and fruitless) drive to Escorts and back; and lots of good food (luckily for me, my roomie's a good cook and fond of cooking too).

Signing off for now, I am, the 'Sun Certified Java Programmer',
Kanu :p

Satyameva Jayate

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'Truth Alone Triumphs'

[or, does it?]
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