Nothing funny

Don't try to be my fortune cookie!
Don't tell me what's in store for me

Echoing Silences

If I lose you, my love
I'm scared, not of
Years wasted
And neither shall I
Find myself unable to live without you

[I'll be strong and move on
And all that, you know!]

What does scare me, love
Is the thought of
My dreams, trashed -
Rendered pointless
Of pain excruciating,
But meaningless
Of a pain that will
Fade away with time -
Like a fading rag in the sun

There are things you're not supposed to
Talk objectively about
And I dread being talked of
Objectively - as your past
Like a long-forgotten taste of
Vanilla flavored coffee

And, sunshine, don't let my memory
Come as a lump of guilt
Or a pang of heartache
Or a moment of sundown
Let it play in the twitch of your smile

And promise me,
That a part of me will continue to live in you
And I swear, that
A part of you shall forever be in my soul.

Mostly Harmless

My creation! :p
Anyway, with working hours stretching infinitely, this is how I feel.
And 'Mostly Harmless' is the novel I'm reading - Fifth in the H2G2 trilogy. (yes, I've already read the other four! ^_^)

A Sleepy Hello!

From Pt. Jawaharlal Nehru's famous speech (Tryst with destiny) on Aug 15, 1947 -

"At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom. A moment comes, which comes but rarely in history, when we step out from the old to the new, when an age ends, and when the soul of a nation, long suppressed, finds utterance..... We end today a period of ill fortune, and India discovers herself again. [...] "

Well, actually, just wanted to write a blog and all that - after all this time. And since some unforeseen event see me sitting at my desk at this ungodly hour (it Aug 14, 11:58 hrs), and fortunately I came across this speech, I don't really have to write something on my own!

So, a sleepy hello to all of you, and to the nation! I wonder if it's awake after all these years.

As for me, I'm very much alive, though very very much sleepy and tired and what-not. If time permits it, you'll see frequent posts on the blog in a few days :)

Intehaa

Raat gaye chaand, chup-chaap
Doodhiya syaahi faila jaata hai.

Lamhon ki ibaarat
Dhundhli ho chali hai ab
Yaadon ke zard pannon par

Reality Check

"Ek hi khwaab kai baar dekha hai maine"

Wrote Gulzar once, and quite a number of couth Indian men went "Aah, wouldn't I love a life/wife like her!". Things, ofcourse, are not always as good as they seem. And neither was Gulzar's dream. Sigh!

"Gungunaati hui nikli hai naha kar jab bhi
Apne bheege hue baalon se tapakta paani
Mere chehre pe chhidak deti hai, tu Tikku ki bachchi!"

Sounds romantic, doesn't it? Well sure it does (sound romantic), but that's about it. Welcome to reality, Tikku! Chances are, Patidev loves his slumber more than you, and the scene would be - Patidev's in the bed, trying hard not to get woken up by your crooning, and if so much as the tiniest droplet of water from your hair reaches his face, all hell breaks loose! "Tikku, shut up with that stupid song and lemme sleep! I had been in the office the night before till eleven!! And it's just 9 in the morning for God's sake!!! *&%$#" ... And you wish you still stayed with your female flatmates (who'd break into an antakshari on the hint of a song!)

"Taash ke patton pe laDti hai kabhie kabhie khel mein mujhse
Aur kabhie laDti bhi aise ki bas khel rahi ho mujhse"

Very well written. But, ahem, reality check - The moment you start "laDna" (however playfully, however outta love), Patidev goes on the defensive "Can't you talk to me even for a moment without cribbing, complaining or sulking? I can't recall when it was last that we talked for an hour without arguing!! Blah Blah Blah?!!! Blah Blah Blah???" Oops!

So, wake up, women! Charm, courtesy and chivalry are not necessarily your guy's everyday adornments. Neither is romance. And wake up, men! Wake up before your girl runs away screaming.

Life's not a dream written by Gulzar, after all.

iGoogle

What does your Google home page look like?

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सतपुडा

Well, ever since I posted the poem "Satpura Ke Ghane Jangal" in my other blog, I've been asked a few times for the full poem. And since I got it some days back, I'm posting the same here

सत्पुडा के घने जंगल

सतपुडा के घने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

झाड़ ऊंचे और नीचे
चुप खडे हैं आंख मीचे
घास चुप है, काश चुप है
मूक शाल-पलाश चुप है

बन सके तो धंसो इनमें
धंस ना पाती हवा jinmein
सत्पुरा के घने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

सडे पत्ते, गले पत्ते
हरे पत्ते, जले पत्ते
वन्य का पथ ढँक रहे से
पंक दल में पले पत्ते

चलो इन पर चल सको तो
दलो इनको दल सको तो
यह ghinaune-घने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

अटपटी उलझी लताएं
Daaliyon को खींच खायें
पैर को पकडें अचानक
प्रान को कस लें, कपायें

सांप सी काली लताएं
बला कीपाली लताएं
लताओं के बने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

MakDiyon के जाल मुह पर,
और sir के बाल मुह पर
मच्छरों के दंश वाले
दाग काले-लाल मुह पर

वात-झंझा वहन करते
चलो इतना सहन करते
कष्ट से ये सने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

अजगरों से भरे जंगल
अगम, gati से परे जंगल
सात-सात पहाड़ वाले
बडे, छोटे बाघ वाले
गरज और दहाड़ वाले
कंप से कनकने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

इन वनों के ख़ूब भीतर
चार मुर्गे, चार तीतर
पाल के nishchint बैठे
Vijan वन के बीच बैठे
झोपड़ी पर फूस डाले
गोंड तगडे और काले

जब ki होली पास आती
सरसराती घास गाती
और महुए से लपकती
मत्त करती बास आती
गूँज उठते बोल इनके
गीत इनके, ढोल इनके

सत्पुरा के घने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

जागते अँगङाइयों में
खोह, खड्डे, खाइयों में
घास पागल, काश पागल,
शाल और पलाश पागल,
लता पागल, वात पागल,
डाल पागल, पात पागल,
मत्त मुर्गे और तीतर
इन वनों के ख़ूब भीतर!

Kshitij तक फैला हुआ सा
मृत्यु तक मैला हुआ सा
Kshubdh काली लहर वाला
Mathit, utthit ज़हर वाला
मेरु वाला, शेष वाला,
शंभु और सुरेश वाला

एक सागर जानते हो,
उसे कैसे मानते हो?
ठीक वैसे घने जंगल
नींद में डूबे हुए से
ऊंघते अनमने जंगल!

धंसो इनमें डर नहीं है,
मौत का ये घर नहीं है,
उतरकर बहते अनेकों,
कल-कथा कहते अनेकों,
नदी nirjhar और नाले,
इन वनों ने गोद पाले,
लाख पंछी सौ hiran दल
चांद के kitne kiran दल
झूमते बन-फूल, फलीयां
खिल रही agyaat kaliyaan
हिरत दूर्वा, रक्त kislay,
पूत, पावन, पूर्ण रसमय,
सत्पुरा के घने जंगल
लताओं के बने जंगल!

(by Bhawani Prasad Mishra)

Huff! Now I know how Shankar Mahadevan must have felt after singing "Breathless" :p
But, nevertheless, it's a beautiful poem. If only someone could muster up the courage and patience required to finish it!

For you all, in Hindi! :) (Thanks, Ritz)

Wow! यह तो कमाल है! ;)

[Well, I found typing words like 'kiran', 'kitne' (basically anything with a chhoTee i ki maatra impossible! So, if anyone knows who to type them, please help me out :)]

Maha Random-Rants

[Warning: Beware of Boasts]

Well, lemme introduce you to the brand new Sun Certified Java Programmer Kanupriya B-). Yes, I cleared SCJP today, with a score of nothing less than a boast-able 96%.

And for all the SCJP aspirants, here's a list of handy tips -

• Beware of compiler errors! The most innocent looking code is just as evil (or eviler) than any other POC (piece of code - technical term). There were at least 7-8 questions in the exam which resulted in a compiler error.
• Qestions on threads are devilish. I'm sure the person(s) who came up with them have a sadistic streak in them. Prepare well for threads, synchronization and the works.
• Inheritance/Overriding/Overloading - people tend to take these too lightly. Don't!
• Exceptions are not quite as bad as you think they are. Understanding just the basic concepts and exception hierarchy will take you a long way in exception handling.

Umm, I guess it doesn't make a lot of sense to post all this here, but whatever, I'm a proud Sun Certified Java Programmer, and I have every right to brag, for a day at least :p My PM was so happy with the result, he got a cake for the SCJPs of his project. So, that's a plus for me (especially just before the appraisal).

That reminds me, I hope I get a respectable increment in this appraisal. (My mom was not really happy about the fact that I haven't saved a penny in the 1 yr (almost - I complete one year in HCL tomorrow)). Again, that reminds me - a few days back I got a mail from my friend (who works in the same office as me), asking me for 500 bugs, urgently. Now, everyone needs a few bugs in the code (rozi-roti ka sawaal, you know!). But FIVE HUNDRED bugs! That crosses the imagination of even the most optimistic tester!

Anyway, she soon realised her mistake (on it being made into PJ, of course) and said she'd be rather happy if I could just lend her 500 bucks, which, for her dismay (this sure is an understatement), I didn't have.

And, last but not the least, I got a pedicure (for the first time) this weekend. :p And, I must admit, it was rather good. Though when I got to know what the 'good-ness' costs, umm, I was not very happy :p

So that kinda sums up this weekends events. Add to it a hurried (and fruitless) drive to Escorts and back; and lots of good food (luckily for me, my roomie's a good cook and fond of cooking too).

Signing off for now, I am, the 'Sun Certified Java Programmer',
Kanu :p

Satyameva Jayate

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'Truth Alone Triumphs'

[or, does it?]
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Baarish

Aaj ki baarish mein, dekho kaise!
Yaadon par chaDhi gard utar gayi hai
Barson door rakha ek lamha, saaf nazar aata hai.

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[Photo courtesy: http://criss.site.voila.fr/]

I walk

I walk, to a place called
Nowhere
Dusk in my hands
Red as blood, my own!
An odd melancholy in the air
Joking with the wind
I walk
To nowhere in particular!

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Games You Play

Dear Lord,
I don't like being yet another insignificant one in your world of crores. My dreams are tired, and I don't have an answer when they look at me, hurt.
It's easy for you, isn't it, making and breaking dreams, hopes, empires, hearts...? Does it matter to you if someone gets killed on his way to ur temple? Do you like it when in turn his relatives call upon you to render him peace in heaven? Isn't that sadistic?
Do you and your mates up there laugh at us, when you see how we're trying to be in control, while you have the remote-control to our destinies? Do you feel gratified when someone seeks your blessings? Do you grant wishes only when we beg for them?
Do you have an algorithm for time-slicing your resources, like an OS? Is everything random? Or is everything predestined?
Are you up there, smiling? Do you die? Are you ever going to grow up, and stop playing games?!

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My Celebrity Look-alikes ;)

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(Feel-good post ;) )

Life

On the downside,

• It's awfully hot here in Dilli. (well, in Noida, too). And going by the weather forecast, things don't look really bright (they're too bright actually, and hot - with everyone for once looking for the dark cloud and not the silver lining therein). Anyway, I hope none of us are harboring any misconceptions on how reliable the weather forecasts are. (So, there's still some hope left :D)
• I caught fever (or fever caught me, rather) - and I realised it's pretty boring (more boring than office). So much so that I was looking forward to (OK, not really) coming to office. And though I finished The English Patient (readable for the way its narrated) and started reading Path Ke Davedaar, it's not what my goal was ("Goal"!! Now that's talking like a true blue s/w engr - and how I hate it!). Anyway, the goal was to finish the Java certification book by Kathy Sierra. (By the way, surprisingly Google and Wiki don't have any useful information available on Path Ke Davedaar! (for the lesser mortals, it's a famous novel by Sharatchandra :-p))
• And as if that was not enough, I caught a kind of eye flu (or some infection). And my left eye is all swollen up. People say I look like a pirate (aargh). Anyway, not that I can help it much. :(

And on the upside (or whatever that's called) -

• I got a three and a half day break from office. Quite an unexpected one, I must confess - but then, it was not much fun - so not much of a confession anyway :p
• Since I created quite a scene out of my fever, life's sort of cool (for the time being, at least).

Umm... so that kinda sums up this random post. I wish the temperature comes down a bit. And I also wish the eye flu goes away before my bday (hehe, yeah, it's my bday on June 16. Yay!)

Oops!

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Orkut's down for maintainance!

(... and back now) ;)

An Indian counterpart of Orkut - http://sirfdosti.com/ :p

Berozgaari

Sulga li hai ek aur cigarette
Doobte sooraj se ghabra ke
Kuchh oob* aur umas* bhulaane ke liye bhi

Saath hi dekhta hoon -
Sulagta, dam toDta ek aur din
Lamha-lamha raakh hota waqt
Dhuaan hote kuchh sapne

Zehan* mein fizool se khyaal -
(Bhala ho municipality ka, jo yahan bench lagwa di
Khuda ka but* patthar ka ho, to dil mom* ka kaise hoga
Ghar par maa diya jala chuki hogi tulsi mein
Wagairah - wagairah)

Nakaamyaabi din bhar saaye ki tarah saath hoti hai
Raat ke andheron mein woh bhi nahin!
(Yun kahne ko hum chaar rahte hain ek kamre mein)

Lagta hai saalon guzar gaye
Par khatm nahin hoti berozgaar zindagi

Jalne ki ho chali hai, talabgaar* zindagi!

[Oob = Boredom; Umas = Humidity; Zehan = mind/dimaag; but = idol/moorti; mom = wax; talabgaar = addicted/wanting]

Music: Shaayraana si hai (Phir Teri Kahaani Yaad Aayi)
Mood: Blank.

The Story of the Desert

"Let's play a game!", he said. "Let's pretend you're the princess of desert and I'm the knight from across the seas."

So that's what she became, the princess of desert. Surprisingly, the otherwise unyielding desert agreed to play along. Together, the desert and the princess waited for the knight.


Very early every morning, they dressed up in molten gold and pretended to be angry half the time, remorseful the other half. Bored in a few hours, the sleepy desert half-opened its sand-dune eyes, and went back to its afternoon nap.

"Winds from across the seas will bring my news", he had said. And she thought she could hear waves crashing against the shore. But the winds never brought any news. (Though sand in her eyes hurt like held-back tears, and it had a curious pungent taste, too.)


So they waited till sundown, and the desert draped her in a dusky red velvet. "Even stars will celebrate the day we reunite". (This was her best dress, and red was his favorite!) Every night, stars gathered for the celebration and sighed in silent mourning as another night slipped by. The chill in night-air was unmistakeable.


Moonlight in her dreams always made the desert look like a giant crumpled bedsheet. She felt herself decaying into the sand-sheet with time. Perhaps it was just in her dreams, funny as they are, that it became increasingly difficult to identify herself from the desert. "Come on, you're the princess around here!", she shouted at the top of her voice. But the stars looked on in amazement, as they thought they saw a sudden whiff rise and die away, from a single sand-dune.
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Vulnerable

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Did a bit of sketching after a long interval, and finished this one quite quickly (around 20 minutes). Since it didn't turn out to be that bad, my braggart self decided to post it ;)

Mood: Happy :)
Music: Piyu bole (Parineeta)

Demons

Some unanswered questions - unanswered, and uncomfortable - chasing you round the clock, staring at you silently (pretending to be dead, yet very much alive) - demanding their answers.

And answer you must. You don't want dead questions following you like dogs, do you? You don't want to relive their death, do you?

And yet answer you can't, because they expect words. A teary-eyed you - devoid of words, with a lump in your throat and sleepless nights by your side - can do nothing but annoy the Gods all the more. Devotees are most welcome, so long as they're not emotional fools.

Your existence is questioned, and that you're alive is no proof. Someone who's been suicidal for years can't possibly be alive, they say.

The walls of hope give way, and your own questions seep through. Assuring you of a death no worse than you deserve. A death of drowing in the waters of suspicion. Of doubts that others invented, and you lived with. (And will die with)



Mood: Indignant/Confused/And now tired
Music: Ek khyaal ke bagal mein kaise saari zindagi guzaar dein?